if you know me even a little, you probably know that i am not a fan of inconsistency. whether it be in people, food, sports teams or weather, you name it, and it tends to get under my skin. yesterday was easter and yes it snowed... i left the lovely purdue campus on friday to make the trek home and it was 60, sunny, and i had broken out my beloved flip flops and my bling shades only to arrive home to 35 and an inch of snow covering the ground. a distance of only 75 miles but complete opposites, argh.
this frustration and other life occurrences have prompted me to think alot about "what frustrates me", "why does this frustrate me so much", and i think i have an idea. i dislike inconsistency because it is one of my biggest fears.
i fear becoming the person and the things i despise
i fear being fake and unauthentic
i fear becoming comfortable with the status quo
i fear not being able to live out the immensity of my love for Jesus
i fear i don't really grasp what His promises mean for me
i fear repeating the mistakes of generations past
i fear i am still believing lies from satan
i fear i don't have the boldness i need to speak out when others tell me to be quiet
i fear being blind and deaf to the Spirit's calling
yet in being fearful of these things i have become my fear. because if i am in Christ as i claim to be, fear has no place. fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, whether the threat is real or imagined. fear has been stealing my joy, makes life seem unbearable, and is a rejection of Jesus' death and resurrection for me. fears means it is never enough. it's like i am distressing myself with things that may never even happen. and what about psalm 27 that says "the Lord is my light and my salvation -- whom shall i fear?" i have nothing to fear. the reason i write this is because, in my short twenty-two years i have found that admitting my problems and fear is the only way i actually ever admit they are real. if someone else knows it is real and has to be dealt with. this is the first step. there is so much hope and refreshment in daily life with my Jesus, and i needed to be reminded of that. the mountains reminded me oh so vividly. the Lord always seems to have impeccable timing and skill in those instances where he wants to take me out of your comfort zone.
so as spring and winter fight it out (and duh we know which will win, it is a fact), i am fighting my fears with the same certainty from my Savior that spring will win out and my fears are bogus and unfounded. he calls me his own and i am his beloved.
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